In A Better Place
by AiLing
Summary: April is still grieving over the loss of her son. Little did she know, someone else shares the same grief too...


**In a Better Place**

**I've been playing this scene in my head, and waiting like forever for this scene to play on the show….but since it hasn't, I've decided to write this scene instead..**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the show or the characters, Shonda does! **

It has been a quiet day in GreySloan Memorial Hospital. No major traumas coming in- no accidents, no crashes, the Seattle population were behaving themselves today.

For April Kepner Avery, the day was spent assessing patients with minor laceration wounds and presyncopal attacks. Her interns and residents were getting bored to death with nothing in their hands- so she let them do all the suturing.

When the last patient has been taken care of and all the beds in the trauma pit were unoccupied- it left an empty sinking feeling in her heart. That was the exact reason why she always keeps herself busy in the pit- at least focusing all her attention on her work and her patients takes her mind off the dull ache and hole in her heart.

Ever since she was five, she had always dreamt of being a mother. Having babies, having a family. As she got older and realized that she was never the type that guys were looking for- she almost gave up on the dream. Almost. Until she met and fell in love with Jackson Avery. Sometimes she still wonders why he chose her out of so many other beautiful women.

When she first found out that she was pregnant, she was mortified. She wasn't ready to be a mom yet. But gradually the initial feelings of trepidation gave way to anticipation and she found herself planning for the baby, buying clothes and cribs and other necessities for the nursery. She couldn't wait for the baby to arrive. Until that fateful day Jackson broke the news to her that their baby has OI. It was like being hit by a ton of bricks. Her world crumbled down in a matter of a few seconds. The second blow came when rather blatantly revealed that their baby had type 2 OI- the lethal type. It was like a death sentence had been imposed on their precious baby. She wondered how God- the same God she worshipped could be so cruel to throw her and Jackson this curveball in life. When Samuel was born and she held him in her arms- for a few precious moments she almost wanted to believe, to wish and hope that the diagnosis was just a cruel joke, and that he is actually a healthy boy. Part of her wanted to believe that he would grow up to be a happy and healthy boy …that she would see him take his first steps, go to school, fall off a bike, play soccer, go to prom, graduate and get married. But then his life was taken away too soon.

All these thoughts were playing in her mind as she slowly made her way to the hospital chapel- as if on autopilot. In fact, she moves mainly on autopilot now…her daily chores, eating, showering….she is afraid she might even be treating patients on autopilot too now…that would be horrifying, she could not let that happen.

As she reaches the chapel and finds it empty, she takes a seat on the front row and stares at the candles which were lit on the day Samuel was born and died. He only lived for about half an hour , but it was spent in his loving parents arms. And to think he had touched the lives of many- until now, 3 months after Samuel is gone, she and Jackson were still receiving well wishes from people all over the hospital and beyond, and people were being educated about OI. Something good has to come out of this after all, God always let something good come out of pain.

How long, she wonders, how long does this pain take to heal? The pain of a mother whose child has been taken away too abruptly from her?

She was so deep in thought that she didn't notice someone else come sit beside her. She jumped in fright when she felt a hand being placed over hers.

She slowly looked up into the eyes of Amelia Sheperd, the head of Neurosurgery. She wonders what brings Amelia here. She didn't even notice her coming in.

The two women sit in silence until Amelia says ' It never really goes away.'

'I'm sorry?' April looks at the other woman for clarification.

'The pain, I mean. The pain of losing a child. People will give you a time frame- they say you'll recover from it after a few months- but it doesn't really work like that. When you lose a child, you lose a part of yourself. The pain and ache will always stay with you a lifetime. ' Amelia says,seemingly deep in thought.

Now Amelia has April's full attention.

'Ermm…you mean, you've ever lost a child before?' April asks slowly, trying to seem as polite as she can about it, because she knows that she herself wouldn't want to open up to just anybody about her loss.

'My baby lived for 45 minutes' was Amelia's curt reply. The exact same quote she gave Owen just 3 months ago.

' Oh…I'm so sorry… Was it a….'

'It was a boy. And no he didn't have a name yet. I called him my unicorn baby. He didn't have a brain'. Until now, Amelia herself still finds it ironic saying it out loud, the brain surgeon giving birth to a baby without a brain. Life can be so cruel at times.

April was about to ask where the baby's father was, but decided against it.

Instead, she just said ' Maybe they are both best friends up in heaven.'

'Yeah, I guess so' Amelia laughed, and both women sat in silence, staring at the cross before them, both wondering what their sons would have grown to look like, what kind of people would they have become.

One thing they both knew for sure, their sons were in a greater place , up in heaven where they belonged.

**We need more interaction between April and Amelia! So I hope you enjoyed this….please read and review : ) **

**A tiny tidbit : Both Sarah Drew and Caterina Scorscone were pregnant with their daughters during the time their pregnancies were written into the show…Both had healthy baby girls in real life although both had their sons die on the show..**


End file.
